1 a Day - Reality vs the Dream

I resolved to make at least one thing a day if I was at home on an evening,  for the entire year.  so yeah yada yada yada  great idea , wot!

Well here's the skinny compadre  *Ding* Round 1

Do you have any idea how difficult it is for me to get into a new routine? Very is the answer. 
No seriously, it is almost impossible, I'm just not made that way  (ding- round 2)  add to that an emotional crisis (ding- round 3) , personal baggage and life issues (ding- round 4), health issues (ding- round 5)  and a few arguments (dingdingding- round 6)  , link in some guilt at being locked away working (ding- round 7) and throw in some , dear god Im TIRED and its even harder to accomplish anything.

A little  HeAthens love for Marina on Valentines

January was bad enough with Maurice sick for a week and me sick for the next but at least I had an excuse,  I'm in week 3 of February and I have no excuse whatsoever, I am simply tired.

My work bench and  work area is a mountain of a mess.

My arthritis has kicked in again

I've misplaced  the opal I was going to make into something for a friend.

My chair is broken and hard to sit on.

I have promised to make things for too many people I love and am falling behind.

My left eye has forgotten what it is used for.

My finances are buggered thank you tax rebate, even though it was my own money I am still very thankful for it. 

My meds ...well. Ironically way to stressed to realize that the anti stress side of the meds will help with that one.  I do have a tax rebate to buy them with now though !

I have a million excuses but it really  amounts to just this...The black dog is on my heals again.

Nothing spectacular all quite mundane run of the mill everyday life problems  just lots of little things backing up and not being dealt with. Today thought they have become a big deal.

All in all its the usual downward spiral one learns to cope with , or not, with a depression. 

Depression sucks and it is a lying bastard. It doesn't whisper nasty' s in your ear, it shouts from the roof tops that your no good, you will fail,  you don't deserve, then it encourages you to wallow in self pity until it has proved itself right... and you fight it , sometimes you win sometimes you loose. 

I attempted visiting a loved one at her housewarming party  , I managed to stay out for all of 30 minutes. I got to see her face and that was enough but the anxiety was too much and I left.  It made me realize there was more to the being rubbish this week than I realized,  funny how even after all these years I still don't notice the black dog creeping up. <insert lots of doom , pain and gloom here - I wont or it will seem  way too self pitying  and morbid> 
February week 3 was killer and not in a good way, bring it on week 4 I am ready to fight now I know whats going on  and I shall  fight hard you bastard.